Editor's note: In an effort to enlighten your day, we now offer a weekly ponderance or two . . .

It Kills Sperm – and the Mood, Too

April is National STD Awareness Month, so consider this a cautionary public service message. A pessary is a vaginal suppository used to kill sperm and/or block their passage through the cervix. It's one of the oldest contraceptive devices, having been used for over 3,000 years in various cultures through contemporary times. Old-fashioned pessaries were often made from animal feces, usually of crocodile or elephant waste, along with a mixture of ingredients including honey, crushed fruit, tree sap and pulverized bark.

It might've prevented STDs, but oh, what brand new infections you'll discover!

Once inserted, the pessary goop would congeal at body temperature and form an impenetrable cervix barrier, not to mention a force field of reeking stench that might even have been able to stop the runaway hormones of Roman Empire-era teenagers dead in the bloodstream.

Umm, is anyone else suddenly not interested in sex at all right now? Alright then, mission accomplished — no S-E-X; no STD! I know I stopped caring about sex at "feces," at which point the mood-killing device ceased to be a contraceptive and at once became an apparatus that inspires sexual abstinence. "Getting lucky" and being rejected would amount to the same thing, as "Not tonight, I have a headache," would be a blessing rather than a rebuff.

– Michael J. Harris, Fun Facts Editor

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